Leadership Is Broken

A new evolution of differentiated, non-anxious leadership

Author

Aaron Fossas
January 26, 2023

Leadership is broken.

Our idea of leadership has been conflated with people-pleasing. Leaders today don't seek better, they seek approval. They don't seek what's next, they seek mimicry. They don't seek differentiation, they seek conformity. They don't embrace hard challenges, they cower in comfort.

When given a leadership opportunity, our first thought is how to keep people happy and how not to mess up.

Conformity is the current currency of ascendency. You get ahead, not by being different, but by being the same.

Humans live in a tension of seeking the next new thing while needing a scapegoat when new things don't work out. The increasingly inflated cost of personal responsibility has produced a genocidal impact on the leadership bench of our society. A select few still have the courage to enter the arena.

“A willingness to be exposed and vulnerable. One of the major limitations of imagination’s fruits is the fear of standing out. It is more than a fear of criticism. It is anxiety at being alone, of being in a position where one can rely little on others, a position that puts one’s own resources to the test, a position where one will have to take total responsibility for one’s own response to the environment. Leaders must not only not be afraid of that position; they must come to love it.”

So, the masses pander and please. Wilt and waffle. Go along to get along.

They color inside the lines, do what's expected, and play the game.

We've developed a society of world-class hoop jumpers. Like animals in a circus, we obediently, and unquestioningly, jump through hoops the invisible hand of society has hung for us. Get the education --> Get the job --> Get the promotion --> Retire into a purposeless existence.

Can we just call out the almost comedic tragedy that the perceived pinnacle of human existence is to retire as early as possible in order to spend what little time we have left on this orbiting sphere golfing and sitting on the beach?

"Gee, Jim really led quite a life, he retired 5 years early and cut his handicap in half. Oh, and he was a lot of fun."

I'm not sorry when I say, what a pitiful waste of life. And I like golf... and Jim.

We dream no big dreams. We dare not endeavor greatly.

William Deresiewicz captures this idea perfectly: We are a society of Excellent Sheep.

He asks the poignant question, "Does being a leader... just mean being accomplished, being successful?

Success usually follows excellence, and excellence is a worthy pursuit, but excellence is not leadership. It is a byproduct of good leadership.

We now have masses of uninspired, disengaged existers—a smaller cohort of excellent performers, hoop jumpers, box checkers, and people-pleasers—an even more minor affiliate of innovative and imaginative self-promoters—and an increasingly rare subset of differentiated, courageous, and personally responsible leaders who sacrifice self on the alter of what's best for others.

And what's best for others isn't spineless "empathy" that caters to whimsical desires and a distorted idea of what will lead to fulfillment.

“The focus on “need fulfillment” that so often accompanies an emphasis on empathy leaves out the possibility that what another may really “need” (in order to become more responsible) is not to have their needs fulfilled. Indeed, it is not even clear that feeling for others is a more caring stance (or even a more ethical stance) than challenging them to take responsibility for themselves. As mentioned earlier, increasing one’s threshold for another’s pain (which is necessary before one can challenge them) is often the only way the other will become motivated to increase their own threshold, thus becoming better equipped to face the challenges of life."

Empathy is not the end goal of a leader. It is an important phase in a larger process.

Sympathy should lead to empathy and empathy to compassion. I define sympathy as feeling for someone else. I define empathy as feeling with someone else. I define compassion as actions taken in the best interest of others.

Leaders don't always know what that best interest is. Seldom do people grasp their own best interest. Therefore, it is a leader's job not to stop at feeling with others, or to solve their problems for them, but to help others increase their capacity for personal responsibility and navigating challenges.

Many of the issues we face in society today are symptoms of a failure in leadership, instead of the root problems themselves.

We need leaders willing to kill their inner people-pleaser and nurture their identity as people-growers.

Pruning hurts.

We need leaders who are oriented toward adventure over safety. Differentiation over conformity. Progress over peace. Others over self.

Leadership is broken. But it can be fixed.